Clubhouse Article

Best & Worst of Super Bowl Half Time Shows

February 1st, 2012 by Nat Coombs

With Super Sunday fast approaching, Nat Coombs presents a tuneful take on one of the staples of the Big Show: The Half-Time Show.

It’s our generation’s version of an M.C. Escher drawing playing out in real life and it goes something like this.

Movie stars, conscious of the self-indulgent, vainglorious nature of what they do wish they were blue collar heroes, and physically gifted so they pretend they’re sports heroes. Deep down, every sports star would love to be the cool kid on the block playing the riff from “Walk This Way” to 100,000 screaming fans.

But of course, every Rockstar or Pop Idol from Sinatra to Will Smith & J-Lo, wants nothing more than to get into movies, and maybe, just maybe, land an Oscar. Or a guest spot on “90210.”

And every average Joe would take any of the above, and yet the one thing that connects all celebrity is the yearning for the life when they were “an average Joe”. In short, at times, deep down, everyone wants to be someone else.

The Super Bowl brings all this together of course. All round the world, Average Joes & Billionaires tune in and watch the best of the best sportsmen go at it for three hours, divided of course by the ultimate in half time entertainment, which is where the rock’n'roll kids stand up and are counted.

The Super Bowl Half Time Show is often as compelling as the game itself – sometimes more so, especially for the casual fan – in so far as it is as “Win or Bust” for the participants as the teams involved in the actual game itself.

One of the hardest things for the Super Bowl loser to swallow is the fact that, up until the point that they’ve officially been beaten, they were winners, Champs (of the AFC or NFC) and as such (usually) an exceptionally good team. Yet in the blink of an eye, they fall from A-list big guns to daytime soap rejects. Getting to the big game is one thing, but make sure you win it or the whole effort you put in before will seem utterly pointless.

Ditto with the Half Time Show. Being asked to do it is one of the greatest honors within the music business, and a sign that either you’ve made it, or a re-affirmation that you’re a music legend. Or the Black Eyed Peas.

A commanding performance, and you’ve introduced your music to a pretty tidy global audience of over a billion people. Screw it up, and it’s the biggest death on stage a live performer can possibly imagine.

This year, it’s Madonna and she definitely ticks some of the key boxes that any aspiring Half Time legend requires.

Firstly, bring the hits! When you’ve only got around 10 minutes to strut your stuff, you’ve got to have a big arsenal of recognizable songs that fans clock instantaneously. Think punchy, fast and catchy. So an artist needs to be able to burn through their “Best Of…” without risking people asking, “What’s this one again?”

Of course you’ve got to add a large sprinkling of showmanship to the proceedings. The Half Time set is as much about visual as audio. If you can work the crowd like Springsteen & the E-Street did a few years back, you’re laughing.

Of course, overindulgence on the visual ahead of anything else can be a major mistake too, and I’m not just talking about Janet & Justin. Any of you remember the legend that was Elvis Presto from Super Bowl XXIII, who attempted to do the world’s largest card trick in Miami, but ended up confusing the hell out of just about everyone? I’ve just watched it back once again and I still don’t understand what the blazes is going on.

Finally, have the big gimmick. What’s going to make you different to the other mega stars that have graced the boards before you? So back in 2001, NSYNC & Aerosmith called in comic heavyweights Ben Stiller & Adam Sandler to pre-record a skit aired ahead of their performance. Sure it was funny, but because it was so self-deprecating and allowed the performers to send themselves up, it got people onside because it ensured everyone wanted them to do well – like the audience for a best man speech. As the cherry on the cake, they unveiled a pre-meltdown Britney, the queen of RnB cool Mary J Blige & rapper Nelly for a storming closing version of “Walk This Way.”

Bearing that formula in mind, here are my Top Three and, perhaps more excitingly, Worst Three Half Time Super Bowl Shows of all-time. Madge, hope you’re paying attention.

THE BEST

#3. Bruce Springsteen & The E-Street Band (2009)
The Boss is one of the great live performers, and from the opening image of Springsteen and his late, great compadre Clarence Clemons recreating via silhouette the cover of the seminal album “Born To Run,” we knew we were in for something special.

#2. Tom Petty (2008)
If only for his epic version of “Freefallin’ ” which has to be the single most perfect Super Bowl song.

#1. U2 (2002)
An emotional version of “Where the Street Has No Name,” dedicated to the victims of 9/11. One of only a handful of artists in the world that could have handled such a delicate show. Majestic.

THE WORST

#3. Black Eyed Peas (2011)
Flagrant overuse of neon fails to detract from rambling, incoherent collection of Peas shouting the phrase “gonna get mine” repeatedly.

#2. Elvis Presto (1989)
As previously mentioned. Barmy.

#1. Indiana Jones (1995)
The year when the Super Bowl was turned, temporarily, into the cruise ship from hell. Someone, in his or her infinite wisdom decided a performance piece featuring a fake Indiana Jones trying to reclaim the Vince Lombardi trophy (which had been stolen and taken into the Temple of the Forbidden Eye) was a good idea. Throw in Patti LaBelle, Tony Bennett, Arturo Sandoval, and the Miami Sound Machine doing their very best to keep it from descending into light entertainment hell. Part genius, part chaos and utterly absurd!

Let’s just hope that whatever Madonna puts out on stage doesn’t upstage the players who will be on-field before and after her intermission.

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MADONNA’S TOP TEN NFL INSPIRED SONG TITLES

as selected by Colin M Jarman (ESPN America editor)

Having herself seemingly been inspired by Franco Harris in naming her ‘Best of … compilation’ – “The Immaculate Collection” – here’s my Top Ten of suggested Madonna songs that fit the Super Bowl / NFL theme …

#10 Like a Prayer (Hail Mary mix)

#9 Ray (Lewis) of (Matt) Light

#8 Take a (Te-)Bow

#7 Justify My Lovie Smith

#6 Pony Express Yourself

#7 Open Your Art Rooney

#6 Crazy For THE U

#5 Bored O-Line

#3 (Julius) Peppers Don’t Preach

#2 Who Dat Girl

#1 Like a Ted Ginn

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To play along with our spoof NFL Song Tunes,
click here go to our Facebook page and join in the discussion and fun.

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SUPER BOWL VIDEO & PREDICTIONS

For our experts’ Super Bowl predictions and latest video on the build up to Super Sunday,
click here for our NFL Video Prediction page.

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For more NFL inspired music, listen and watch John Legend adapt his “Ordinary” People” song to a tribute for everyone’s favorite genuflecting QB – “Extra-Ordinary Tebow” recorded live on ESPN’s “First & Ten” show …